5 Things I do that I secretly don’t want to

1) Say good things about other people even though it rings me with jealousy inside.

Reason: Nothing good can come out of me bashing others, especially publicly, ESPECIALLY if I’m jealous. People can detect that from miles away. It creates negative energy internally (within myself) and externally, with others. Also, shit talking looks ugly on anyone.

2) Tell my teacher thank you after I feel like I’ve been shafted.

In my opinion, most teachers (or professors and teacher’s assistants) grade with a subconscious impression of the student. Sometimes I feel like I wasn’t graded justly, but a lot of times there’s not a lot I can do about, say, a paper, that had been already graded. Instead of taking the offensive and getting into a possible argument, I ask what I did wrong and how I can improve it. Then I swallow my pride and thank really graciously. The teacher will probably like you a lot more than if you walked away really upset, and you’ll probably get a better grade on the next one. I say this because I’ve gone both routes. When I finally decided to suck it up and say thanks so much, I did a lot better. I still try to fight for the grade I think I deserve, but not to the point where it hurts my future grades. I think this works for sports too.

3) Give people chances

I tend to stick impressions of people in my mind for many reasons, including the fact that it’s easier to have a “who needs ’em” attitude if you are able to write them off. That’s just me though. For all types of circumstances, sometimes people (re)appear, and instead of scoffing, I’ll be nice and courteous, ‘cus who knows? They could be awesome. Even if they seem totally boring or different from what I imagine myself interacting with. It’s interesting to meet new kinds of people, and perhaps old people that I used to have judgements about. The hardest bit is being nice to people that have burnt me in the past, but again, you never know. People do apologize, and they do change.

4) Go out. Talk to people. Travel.

I recently returned from a 2 month internship program in Barcelona. I live in California. That sounds AWESOME, right? It was, yes, but I was dreading the trip. My friends were way more excited than I was. I’d never been to Europe, never flown internationally by myself, I don’t speak Spanish, and I’d never lived on my own, aside from being in a college dorm, which I hardly call “on my own”. Oh yeah, I didn’t know a single soul there, so if I didn’t want to die of loneliness I’d have to learn how to make friends, and fast. It’s always been a struggle for me to take the initiative and hang out with people I didn’t know, so I knew there would be challenges. Regardless, I knew I’d learn a shit ton and I was really curious about who I’d be after coming out on the other side. The verdict?! WORTH IT. Though wish I could say I *didn’t speak Spanish, but I still don’t. 😦

5) Hobbies that I’m scared of

I’m really scared of skating, but I really like it. I’m scared of falling, I’m scared of looking stupid, and I really don’t want to be that girl that tried to skate and run with da bois but ended up biting the dust like all the others. I’m not trying to hang out with a skate crew or anything like that, I really just want to be able to skate around and ollie up curbs for now. Anyways, I go outside and do it anyways. In the dark of course, but still.

Another hobby is music. I have major stage fright, but it’s something I need to get over if I really want to try and make music. It’s easy because I can play guitar/piano/sing indoors and no one from the outside world will ever have to hear me, but occasionally I get asked to play something at family parties, and it’d probably make a lot of sense to just do it.

Welp,

I hope that was self-righteous enough. Personally, I like to grow, it’s scary but I’m curious about who I can be, and just what I can do. The only way to do that is to keep moving and push my comfort zone more often. It’s exhilarating. I don’t want to live my life in the same place, mostly because for a period of time that I was in the same place (specific place), I was really unhappy, and so I decided to do something about it. It’s really to each his own.

The biggest thing, is that if I’m in a rut and I hate everything, I’ll have to change something. I’ll have to go experience new things.

Hope that helps someone out there that’s lost, unhappy, or unmotivated.

-Conz.

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